She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
