You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Your penis caused this!
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