went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
