During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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