No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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