Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Found the puke drawer
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
