I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
