Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
