I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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