I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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