Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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