I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need to calm my uterus...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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