I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
