DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
