Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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