Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
