I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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