Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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