She is in my trunk
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
