another moral hangover. fuck.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
