there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
