I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I believe in your delicious
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
