When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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