Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize