I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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