so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
