a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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