So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
