Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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