I cockslap morals
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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