Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
