can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
