that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
