you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize