party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
