I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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