They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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