I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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