plz talk dirty to me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
