I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
