I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
