dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize