ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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