....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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