we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
