OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
