Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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