He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
not ubering you a puppy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize