two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
