I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
