I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
