The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm really into asian looking animals
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
