do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
