her vagine was all disorganized.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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