I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
