can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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