Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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