had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
