i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
