I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
