in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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