You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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