During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
