ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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