$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
