that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize