took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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