The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
