look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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