LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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